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Ever since I was a kid, I always knew I would major in engineering in college, but then I started volunteering as a violin teacher to teach inner city kids, and I started liking it. I was torn between being an engineering major or a music education major.
I ended up applying to UCLA as a music education major~ and I got in. So here I am, a music education major, wondering if I'm in the right major. I've been struggling with this since fall quarter, and the solution I came up with recently was that I would double major - Music Education and Applied Math. I thought I solved the problem, and was content with my solution.
This is probably a stupid reason to wonder again, but today i took a test to see which major i should be ... and it said I should be an engineering major. And it isn't the fact that it said engineering that I'm bothered, but rather by how much I wished I was an engineering major. I know I shouldn't trust my future to an online quiz, but what if I'm wasting my time doing the wrong thing?
I can't see myself leaving the music department - the people, the environment, the study material - most of it interests me. Granted, I do have problems with ear training and wish that it would disappear, and I don't practice all that much ... but I couldn't like everything about my major, and when I do practice, I feel really good about it (maybe not at first, but after I learn something ...). It just feels like I've been put back to square one again, and this whole thinking process doesn't seem like it's ever going to end. I feel as if I'm going back and forth and I don't know what to do.
I kind of feel that I should be in Engineering, but I'm scared that I'll regret leaving the music department, and I'm scared I'll stop playing the violin. Music has always been a part of my life, and I couldn't imagine it any other way. I still want to learn the violin, I want to get better ... but I can't get lessons at UCLA if I leave the music department, and I can't do engineering if I do music education.
I feel torn, tired, and lost. I feel unmotivated, confused, and empty. I feel pressed for time, rushed. I know I won't finish in four years, but what if I don't finish college in five years?
Thought of the day:
Which way do you walk when everything is dark?
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| | Posted 4/16/2007 9:00 PM - 27 Views - 12 eProps - 6 comments
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